We are in no position to justify destiny

Around 3 weeks to go before I step into a whole new phase of my life. I just hope I would be busy enough not to give a flying fuck about you then.

But I'm so sure that I wouldn't be. Granted deep inside me, I know that is exactly what I want to do. To free you as you wish, too. To feel nothing after giving away all of the freedom you want. But as foolish as I can be, I don't think I can ever achieve that. I question myself why I'm still holding on even when there are so many reason to give up. Every single day. But I can barely get the answer. I honestly think that I don't deserve you, but I can't let go either. Sometimes I wonder if I've made the wrong turn, if I've only made up my own believes, whether if you actually have faith in me like what I have towards you. But then, I also wonder if my faith is fake, wonder if you're a different person outside and how will I be when I'm in a different situation, too.

I wonder what's on your mind when you look at me. I wonder what you feel when you call me all that names. I wonder what you feel when you break my heart. How does your heart feel when you break mine.

How would you be if I no longer fight for this?